Ongoing Condiment Discussion

I definitely appreciated Dan's well-written and lengthy response post. I am glad that he has taken the time to acknowledge and consider my blog.

I was happy to hear more stories about the sources of Daniel's negative feelings on condiments. The story about Mr. Parsons, his 5th grade teacher, saying that mayonnaise was pointless and served only to clog arteries was one of them. I am shocked to learn that an adult would utter such a completely subjective statement around so many impressionable young minds. First of all, even if Mr. Parsons disliked mayonnaise, he must have been able to recognize its value, at the very least, as a relief for others from dry sandwiches. Secondly, many foods clog arteries, and to my knowledge he made no such attacks on them.

Also intriguing is Dan's admission that perhaps his views on condiments have been influenced by factors outside of their control: his disgust with tuna fish, his odd aversion to the words mayonnaise, dressing, and relish, and his stubbornness and refusal to submit to the wishes of others for him to enjoy condiments. He notes that he enjoys the attention that his phobia brings him and that it serves as conversation fuel. All of these things are very relevant to his unsettling dislike of most things condiment related. Though they still don't entirely offer a satisfying explanation, they certainly soothe my mind and help me fuel my hypothesis that Dan's dislike of condiments is more in his head than his tastebuds, and this is very much what I want to believe.

Still frustrating, though, is Daniel's lack of rules when it comes to what he likes and what he finds downright repulsive. It is, as he says, arbitrary, and this annoys me very much, because in the fact that his tastes are arbitrary, I can see potential: the potential to like condiments. Surely this potential exists, it must, because it makes absolutely no sense that Dan would love buffalo sauce and not ketchup, vinaigrette but no other dressings, unless his phobia was, as I hypothesized, entirely imagined. Sadly though, I believe this great potential will never be realized.

Daniel has asked me to reveal my sources for my statement that a childhood dislike/distrust of condiments is common. This statement is pretty made up, but my point was that children are very commonly very picky, and I have personally observed many of them disliking mayonnaise, relish, and most salad dressing. Ketchup, however, I think they usually like.

Knowing Dan Ross G, I actually never would have expected him to notice a door knob covered in shaving cream. Child-Hilary certainly would have, but I expected that young Danny's head was far too filled with Hoop Dreams to notice small things in the physical world around him like his hand going onto a booby-trapped door knob. I asked the question, "How could you not?", because though I knew Danny wouldn't have noticed, I just can't imagine not noticing. Still, though, since I already know that is just how Dan is, I was sort of being a jerk by asking this question. I do not regret doing so, though.

Reading Dan's carefully considered posts, I began to reflect on what it is that provokes such a strong reactions, in others, to his rejection of condiments. I think it is because most people think condiments are really good, and that they greatly increase the enjoyment of whatever it is they are topping. They definitely also make a dry meal less dry, a feature I appreciate. I myself am generally a condiment fan, but as I thought about it, I realized I use them almost never. Ketchup and mustard go on boiled hot dogs, but not on grilled hot dogs. I would never use mayo, relish, or sour cream, although I like all three and they do not keep me from eating items at restaurants that somehow incorporate them. I didn't even discover that I liked cream cheese until college, and though now I love it, I avoid it because of its unhealthiness. I suppose I find it humorous that I am so adamant that Dan should like condiments when I do not even utilize them that often. However, I should note that this does NOT apply to salad dressings. I love salad dressing, and can't think of any variety that I do not enjoy. I don't even like salads very much, or veggie subs, but I eat both fairly often because they serve as vehicles for yummy dressings. In fact, I realized several moments ago that the only food and drink in my refrigerator is old bread, banana peppers, an onion, and a 6 pack of Sparks. There are, however, 7 bottles of various salad dressings, all of which are used regularly.